Diary of a young father

Truth is, I was scared. I was damn scared because at that point I had nothing, I was basically doing nothing. 

I think I was in school, about rounding off and my first thought then was to abandon school, runaway to Lagos and start a new life, start afresh, probably get my hands on one or two things so I could cater for my child. 

Even though, I wasn't very surprised. I mean, I kinda knew I was going to be a father before the news was broken to me (you know).

So when the news finally came, I embraced it.

And at that moment, it was as though my eyes were opened to a new world, a new reality, a new phase that was coming to me and I kept asking myself if I was ready for it. If I had the capacity, or the strength to endure what was coming.

I was even scared to pray, cause I felt God wasn't ready to listen to what I was going to say. 

But then, a friend called me, a close female friend, she told me her spirit had been disturbed for a while and she was led to pray and fast for me for a week, and at that time, the Spirit of God told her to tell me not to do what was on my mind.

Hehe... How funny. 

Though when she told me, I lied to her that I wasn't planning on doing anything but then she said, "I don't care what you want to do but don't do what's on your mind."

It was at that moment I just knew God was interested, somehow. 

I called my mentor and spoke with him about it. We spoke for about two hours, if not more and he said words that broke me and at the same time, gave me strength. 

He said, "A lot of persons are going to disappoint you including me, don't bank your trust on any man and this is a moment for you to get closer to God"

At the time, I couldn't understand totally but I took those words and ran along with it.

So... The next step was breaking the news to my mom, cause my mom and dad were separated. Though I was closer to my mom. Plus, she lived closer to where I was during that period.

I summoned courage one particular Sunday and broke the news to her.

She thought I was playing one of my usual pranks and she didn't take it serious at first, not until I told her I was planning on bringing the mother of my child, Sunshine home to stay with her, it was then she realized it was serious.

Mom was devastated when she learned sunshine was pregnant. I understood her pain and throughout the period of the pregnancy, I tried to promise her that all will be well.

Cause prior to the pregnancy, our family wasn't that organized. We were going through a lot and everybody was on their own. The pregnancy came as a shock and in one way, brought everybody together again... but this time in disappointment.

She had to contact my dad immediately.

Interestingly, my dad was not even shaking, hehe! His plan was just for me to have something doing because what was coming was way, way bigger than what I'll ever imagine.

So later, I brought the girl, Sunshine over to the house to stay with mom, and that was how the journey started. LOL

Truth be told, it was rough. Some days even trusting God wasn't easy.

I think right now, I'm appreciating God that I really went through those processes, cause it shaped my mindset about Him. 

It strengthened my relationship with Him at some point, it also built my faith and my trust in Him.

Should I say that was when my life began. 

Taking care of Sunshine and also shuffling between school was very hectic for me. At some point, I almost abandoned school, you know... Looking at it, there was no money to return back to school that period but somehow, God provided, the money came and I went back to school.

Errm... I think I prayed and made a covenant with God back then, I told God I needed money to be coming back every week so I could at least be there for sunshine during weekends.

I think my part of the covenant was to be more zealous and committed to the things of God and service in my local church.

God played His part, paying my way from school down to the house every weekend was expensive, but the money came. 

Like I said, I wasn't working at that moment.

So the next thing was to get myself skilled, something I could do to start taking care of what was going to come. I was in school, so it wasn't that easy at some point and my family played a big role and all my sisters did their best to be there even when the news of the child came as a shock and disappointment (kind of), but they had to stick around. Family is family.

There was this particular day I woke up feeling dizzy, with a slight headache and my temperature started running high, eyes were blurry and tears were streaming from them.

I didn't know that my moment was close, that same morning I got a call from Sunshine in the hospital, she said she was in labour and she needed me to be around.

But I was so sick.

Plus, I was in school. We had class from morning till about 5-6pm. I just couldn't take it anymore, I was not concentrating in class. 

My mind was divided; one part at home with sunshine and the other was in school trying to battle with my health.

I decided to travel back, I looked for who I could borrow money from, so I could transport myself back to Ikot Ekpene that night.

I was inside the taxi, and the driver was playing a message by Bishop Oyedepo and in the message, the Bishop mentioned, "...you are your number one prophet, the first person who would decide what would happen to you is you...", at that moment, I took those words very serious and I laid hands on myself, I prayed against sickness. And minutes later, I felt my health being restored right there. Heh! I was surprised.

I moved down to Ikot Ekpene general hospital where Sunshine was with my mom. On getting there about past 9pm, I was told my mom had been sent home, so basically, it was just Sunshine alone in the hospital. 

I had to step in.

When I met her then at the labour ward, looking at her eyes, my goodness... the pain, I could literally read the pain in her eyes.

It would be an understatement to say I could feel what she was going through. No, I couldn't cause personally I don't think I can stand that much pain and discomfort.

She held onto me and kept telling me she was tired and I asked her what she wanted, she said she wanted to give birth and get rid of the pain.

Then I remembered what Bishop said, "...you're your number one prophet", I laid my hands on her stomach and I prayed, then I think I told her a particular time the baby would come. 

After that, I was led out of the ward and few minutes later the nurses rushed in... Then boom, the baby came!

Hmm! LOL. 

I think when I heard the cry of the baby, I smiled first and the next thing... My knees couldn't carry me, I fell to the floor and I gave thanks to God.

That night, God came through for us. 

Hmm... I named her Smile.

Though my mom grew fond of her native name, "KesitAbasi".

Now, there are terrible mistakes we might have done in the past or present that makes us feel unworthy of ourselves or anything good.

But God assured us in His word, "To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the out of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." (Isa. 61:3)

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